The Wait On Her Shoulders

Hustle, grind, getting it, making in roads, killing it, taking prisoners, goal crushing. An endless supply of synonyms exist to describe fulfilling plans. What you want is on the other side of average. Going the extra mile is the only way to actually get places. This line of deliberation is a doer’s dream: Effort equals Much Creating squared (see what I did there?) It reads like my recent experience. International collaborations, media interviews, first short film as writer / director, lecturing to Master’s students…. NEXT! The more I achieved, the deeper my confidence in my ability grew.

“Good things are worth waiting for” is a term I throw around when timeous preperations appear more and more elusive. I never expeted it to be the second chapter of an action-packed season. Back on home soil from all the activities, we purposed to take a (very) short break before (thankfully) returning to the jet-setting, crammed schedule mania. Trenching it out would now be levelling up. My hand was firmly on the gear stick, eagerly anticipating the seamless change into the subsequent gear. If you’ve ever driven a manual car you’ll notice that two things happen when you change gears. First of all, you have to release your foot from the accelerator. As much as you might want to hold the pressure you’ve been applying, engineering requires relention for the sake of progress in a manner which will not inflict damage on the vehicle. However, natural instinct prompts one to strike the iron of future endeavours while they were still piping hot. The four letter “w” bomb reared its undesired head first in prayer, then in unfolding events. To wait would be counter productive in the scheme of building momentum. Probably why we pushed and pushed and pushed in the opposite direction. Wait not, want not. Inevitably, maintaining pressure on the accelerator results in dwindling power output and a loud, strained accelerating sound. The more we forced matters, the less fluid the flow became. It got to be about making it happen instead of understanding the intricacies of timing. We had to go back. Practically applied, it meant we also had to ease up. Imagine chugging to the top of the roller coaster peak. It clicks and for a few moments……nothing. Your emotions are already experiencing the dizzying thrill of accumilating speed over the twisted tracks yet your body registers suspension. The weight of the pause is crushing. You constantly have to reel your mind in. No, no. We’re here now. Bring it back a little.

Introducing the second phase: asserting the clutch. Clutches are what make gears disengage and engage from the engine as you are driving. Meaning before engaging the new gear, you have to disengage your current one. The previous period included a lot of me in it; my film, my lecturing, my accomplishments. As the clutch thudded against cushioned flooring, tactics changed and mode of propellant was re-established. Opportunities which came my way required me to show up, not show face. There’s nothing more sobering than giving your all so someone can accomplish their own dreams while yours lie pending. You’re made very aware that your little planet is a blotch in the solar system. Not to mention digesting a universal truth that not everything is about you. Entitlement suffers a slow suffocation at the hands of celebrating another individual. Boy, did it choke. As the demand was placed, I grew in a different way. My receiving capacity expanded to include others. An eye-opening revelation was moving from the notion of value scales to validation. Value scales are very heirachal, personal and items change according to priorities. I deem the work which I do to be of high importance, therefore, everything I encounter should be subservant. Validation on the other hand, is acknowledgement over placement. Respect goes a long way when connecting to what was never really on your radar. There’s less proving and more being. You’re not hestitant to serve because you recognize learning will enrich you greater than demanding status.

Waiting in many ways has been the best thing for my advancement. As I kept my gaze forward, my heels dug into the ground so I could carry more than bragging rights on my shoulders. New gear in operation, I’m stomping my foot down on the accelerator again, open to the ebb and flow of process.

Blessings and love

Published by philemonpie

I am a wife, blogger, writer and creative who tried to have it all figured out. Then I realized the fun is in learning

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